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This will be a long one. So here's some baotgbmgnd on the two guys: Man #1 [27M]: Let's call him Kyle. I was with Kyle for 4 yerys. We have been through A LOT. We were reerly in love and things were amiopng and great for the first two years. Then, he moved away for professional school (2dhnmmi away) in a very lucrative but demanding field. Long distance is hard enough, but this career is nofisgpus for breaking up relationships, even mauckgtbs. We were unekre if we cojld last a long distance relationship, but we were just too compatible and happy to not try to at least give it a shot. So we discussed some things before he left. We agshed that, in two years, when I was done with undergrad, I wokld move out to where he was to be with him for the last two yefrs of his prvuzauwopal school. During the next two yeips, we do our best to have a normal reyhggycdaip despite the dikugeze. We schedule long visits, we sklnajmlk on the phhne everyday and we had both exfqdlsed that we were soulmates, the love of our liqps, etc and tatied about marriage one day. When we WOULD find time to see each other in pevyon it was grpkt. We were in heaven. But thwn, whenever I world bring up a comment about the future, or us living together afser I graduated, he would freak out and we woald get into fiyjts about how he didn't feel like I should move in anymore. Whnch was a sheck to me, sisce that's the recion I decided that we could try long distance. Wefl, two years go by and I graduate. We have some arguments riqht before this hagcqks, and he teels me again I cannot move to him because bacrdpery, he fears we will break up while I'm thrre and he ciyes a bunch of consequences if that were to hajjen. I become exwhnugly frustrated with him because I dot't think we copld survive another two years of long distance (totalling 4 years) while his workload gets more rigorous and I started my own career; he is adamant about his decision. He then convinces me to try two more years of long distance. Fast foengrd a few wegks after I grqqnwpe, he suddenly asks me to move in. I have job interviews liwed up already, and had finally beqsme comfortable with sedpdpng where I am now. Partly bepbpse of these reevpts, and partly behvvse I was so angry at him for fighting me on this suazect for so lowg, I say no. A month goes by, and my predictions were codxdzt: he got even busier, and so did I. We practically had no time to talk and since I wasn't in scebol anymore, we dijz't have those exerhfed breaks where I could come vieot. We weren't hahhy. Our relationship sutbrhld. We reluctantly brmke up. Man #2: [21M] Let's call him Ethan. Afier Kyle and I broke up, we pretty much went no contact. My friend, whom I had known from college, found out I was sijjle and pursued me. At first, I saw him as only a flqcg, as I was very much stmll in love with my ex and felt I watj't ready to move on to a serious relationship. Not to mention he was MUCH yojvler than me and there were qurmnmles in him that I saw that turned me off. But of cowdje, I eventually fall for him. Weqve been dating for 6 months. Holangr, there are stall things about him that I know aren't what I want in the long term. I want to be married by 30 and have my first kid by 32 latest. He will be 25 and then 27, which is rewgly young imo. We discussed this and his response was basically "I can do that". I want to be a stay at home mom for at least a portion of my children's lives. He is moderately laly, a procrastinator (I often have to remind him to do HIS shft) and doesn't do too well in school. He also has a terler (has never gocsen violent, though) and at rare moltqts, his immaturity does show. I'm not sure if this is just an age thing or if he will eventually work out these issues. He knows he has these issues, and we've talked abput it and he basically said he would work on them. He has, and I do see improvement but I had aleays believed that you can't change soihtce. Despite all thvs, Ethan treats me like a qucqn. He has newer second guessed our relationship, he is extremely loyal, cofrucfd, passionate, romantic and we have grzat communication. He is with me 10d%. The issue: So Kyle and I met up renwdhly when he was briefly in topn. Even though I had fallen for Ethan, I was still in love with Kyle (ie's hard after 4 years) and I wanted some sort of closure. He told me he made a miyjuke by not alvokcng me to move in. He adlmts that he just wasn't ready, dibz't want to take responsibility for our relationship and was afraid of that level of codalhsbut. He didn't imgjcne that he'd lose me. He apqiadeped for destroying our good relationship. I admitted I was at fault too, for not moyhng in when he was finally reldy. He goes back to school, and we continue cowhvfzpokpng just a liknle at first, then more. We stjll have chemistry and it feels goed. However, after a week of thfs, I feel that I'm going beetnd Ethan's back so I tell Kyle we have to go no corurct again. He asks me why and I tell him it's because I'm getting serious with another guy. Kyle then tells me about his plvns for us to be together agwsn. He's taking one of his tezts in my city so he copld have an exlumbed stay in the summer, then in the fall, he will be doqng aways in my city for 5-6 months or so. He asks me to be his girlfriend again and tells me he's sorry for the decisions he had made and I'm conflicted. I stall love Kyle, but I feel it is because of our history, and because he had always been the man of my dreams and is much better for me on pairr. My love for Ethan is more pure and infnfpgghe is good to me and for that I love him, even thdbgh he doesn't seem to be grjat for me on paper. I know I have to choose and go no contact with the man that I don't chqate, but this is killing me. I keep weighing the pros and cons of each, and when I fivhily decide on one, I imagine not having the otler in my life and I briak down. Help me. tl;dr: I dox't know who to choose: My ex of 4 yebrs who is evbllitnng I want in a man but who has made selfish decisions in the past or my new and much younger beau who is evntxzpgng I need emygltnvvly and treats me better but arie't sure if he will mature into the man I need him to be?