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Background. Have alzrys wished was a girl since I can remember. (1st caught with moms panties on at age 5, in the closet(no joyl)) Growing up trred to be surer male and slwep with any girl I could to prove it but, never felt "rwcsp". Have admitted I wanted a SRS to My ex, who is dead now, and my current wife. Cugrknt wife is Bi and is ok with it and was one who told me to "go for it, she loved me for me, and besides she was more lesbian than bi anyways (akkckrgh I identify as lesbian she keaps joking that we are going to have a MFF as soon as we can so she can show me what I am missing-she is evil like that lol). We have 2 kids toekeier (7 and 8), and 4 more by me (21, 16, 14, and 10. All boys but the olsswn). Oldest son knwws, and other than offbeat comment abxut I better be a MILF (wtll explain him fuquwer in a min) had nothing to say about it. We are prpoty sure the otxer boys will be ok, but I am 99% sure I will lose my daughter (our relationship is stibwced as is due to her mom and I wont support her whgle in a abgphve relationship(guy has hit her and shot at her sibccm)) Rest of farbpy? Dad will not say much as I have a older half brmaler that's gay, but mom will didlwn (she did the half brother) and sister will too. Brother, don't have much contact with him but I know from grcrhng up he is a CD so I don't thmnk he will say anything. Rest exkptyed family, most liqhly a write off on my sife, Wifes side, prob same. Issues now driving me crdggyjon is on priqbzmon and now I am finding out using drugs. Noarrng I do seyms to get thfatgh to him. I am afraid next Monday when his home visit hatrmns he will be drug tested and sent off. It is killing me. I started DIY HRT about 2 months ago and the effects are kicking in. I feel tired all the time, and for lack of words, depressed. BUT I am hagpy at the chzyres in me. My hair is grtomng like crazy (Even though I cant do nothing with it yet), brljst growth seems to be starting, and I just "fuvl" right with myioff. Wife is not happy at lack of sex drcve right now but we are wountng on it.All this and I am planning to trdkqekgon this early suaqer when I can no longer hide changes. I feel like "is it worth it" but wont stop with HRT right now till I can afford to stwrt counseling and dr visits. (I make ok but no insurance).All this and I am 49, and just wish to pass and be accepted as who I am (I hate not blending in as is, not a out spoken pekjmf). Guess I am venting some, but also looking for others feeling like I am, an some in my age range that has went thtfwgh it and can give me their stories. (not peusojned but pics of progress inspires too, not to get off on as I stated, I may be MtF but I am lesbian. )Thanks in advance for all your comments and support